From Social Anxiety to Public Speaker - My Journey
Introduction
Three years ago, I was held captive by my own social anxiety. The mere thought of public speaking made my heart pound in my chest, my mind racing with worst-case scenarios. But I am living proof that we are stronger than we know. That anxious girl still exists, but she has discovered an inner reservoir of courage and determination she never knew she possessed. Now, she shares her life with a woman who longs to inspire others, to use her voice to make a difference. My story is one of unexpected growth, a testament to the power of facing our fears head-on.
Discovering SocialSelf
My transformation began with a somewhat unlikely catalyst: a dating app called Bumble. I remember getting matched with this really hot guy and feeling ecstatic beyond belief. It was almost as if I was a teenager again, finally being able to talk to her crush. But of course, as I was getting excited about talking to this amazingly hot guy, my inner critic began to creep in, “You really think this is going to work out? I mean, come on, let’s be real here, Monica, you’ve always been the awkward, quiet, and shy one who stumbles over her words, freezes under pressure, and can’t hold a conversation to save your life.”
Desperate to avoid another cringe-worthy conversation with a potential match, I kept swiping through profiles until I came across these 8 DEVASTATING words on one of the profiles I was checking out:
AT LEAST KNOW HOW TO HOLD A CONVERSATION
Those words were like a punch in the gut after receiving a heavy blow to my ego. So in order to not let this opportunity pass me up, I turned to the internet for guidance, and I literally googled “How to Hold a Conversation”
The first website that popped up was a website called SocialSelf. As I began to delve deeper into the website, it was eye-opening to see that not only did I discover that I had social anxiety, but that other people out there were going through it as well.
Although skeptical at first, I decided to sign up for the free email training to see if it actually worked. Little did I know that this chance discovery would set me on a path towards not just improving my social skills but completely redefining my relationship with myself and the world.
Growing and Learning
SocialSelf became my roadmap out of the wilderness of social anxiety. Not only did I learn who I was at my core, but the tools and strategies I learned gave me the confidence to hold meaningful conversations, move beyond superficial small talk, and truly connect with others. I began recognizing the self-sabotaging patterns that had held me back for so long. Saying "no" without guilt, setting boundaries, stopping the people-pleasing – these were revolutionary changes. I slowly shed my paralyzing fear of judgment, learning when to express my opinions and when to remain silent. Most importantly, I discovered the power of internal validation. I no longer sought worth in others' approval but found it within myself.
And one of the best parts about it is I didn’t have to do those crazy out-of-your-comfort-zone exercises that seemed to lead nowhere. I learned instead how to grow my comfort zone, little by little, with every new interaction that I came across.
Overcoming Dark Times
Reflecting on the person I was before SocialSelf is like looking at a stranger. I was lost in a haze of marijuana use and self-destructive behaviors, unable to recognize the depression and loneliness gnawing at my soul. I'm not proud of that time, but acknowledging it is part of my journey. SocialSelf gave me the strength to confront my demons and take the first steps towards healing. One of the phrases that has stuck with me throughout my journey with SocialSelf, is in order to show who you are, you need to know who you are.
It took a lot of time, reflection, and learning how to speak that finally helped me break down my walls, and start down my own path to healing.
The Power of Connection
Growing up without feeling connected to those around me, especially those close to me, felt lonely, isolating, and painful. I was so ashamed of who I was and blamed everyone else for my problems, failing to take any responsibility for my own actions, and for my own life.
For most of my life, I felt like a screw-up, that I just couldn’t get it right. But thanks to SocialSelf, I not only learned how to hold conversations, or talk to a cute guy, but I learned self-love and self-compassion. I learned how to fully accept every part of who I am, and love who I am at my core.
I no longer felt the need to hide my passion for video games and anime to fit some arbitrary mold. I realized that my quirks are what make me unique, and that's something to be celebrated. SocialSelf didn't just improve my social skills, it helped me develop a healthier relationship with myself.
The Impact of Toastmasters
After my experience with SocialSelf, I found another important community: Toastmasters. This organization became the foundation of my support network, giving me the support I never had growing up. It was like omg, there are people who actually support me, and who helped me affirm who I was. I felt like I was a little kid again, but this time I had friends, and I wasn’t alone anymore.
Through Toastmasters, I developed a passion for leadership and communication. The most empowering realization was that I didn't need to find my voice—I just needed to nurture it. With the support of my fellow Toastmasters, I could grow to new heights that I’ve never reached before. Not only did I learn how to tell my story, but with the combination of SocialSelf and Toastmasters, I learned how to own my story—a gift that I will treasure for a lifetime.
Sharing My Story
The pivotal moment for me was when I began sharing my journey with social anxiety. It was incredibly powerful to see how my words resonated with my fellow Toastmasters and colleagues, making them feel understood and inspired. Whether through social media, one-on-one conversations, or during a Toastmasters meeting, witnessing the impact of my words and how they connected deeply with others was truly moving. In that instant, I knew I wanted to become a paid public speaker, leveraging my story to help others feel less alone and to show them that change is possible and that their story matters.
The Future
I've recently joined the National Speakers Association - Northwest Chapter to take my dream to the next level. Even though I’m employed, I realized I’m ready to do so much more, I’m ready to save the world.
I’ve taken the backseat in my career for most of my life, and now I’m ready to step into the driver’s seat. And being surrounded by incredible inspiring speakers, who do what they love for a living, has made me feel like I’m right where I belong. After SocialSelf, and Toastmasters, I felt like I already knew where I wanted to go in life, and from what I’ve experienced so far, the NSA Northwest is the place that is going to help me get there.
I believe in the power of inspiring, motivating, and changing lives through my words. While many people may view the world as toxic and filled with hate and anger, I see a world that is hurting and scared, much like a neglected and lonely child like I was. This world is simply surviving in the only way it knows, but I truly believe that it can do so much more. I believe that it can thrive in ways we haven't even considered yet. I believe that impossible is nothing.
Conclusion
My journey from social anxiety to aspiring public speaker is a testament to human resilience. It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it. If you're struggling with social anxiety, I see you. I feel you. And I want you to know that change is possible. Don't be afraid to reach out for help and share your story. Your voice matters, your experiences are unique, and the world needs to hear what only you can say. Embrace your journey, no matter how messy it may be. It just might lead you to a life you never thought possible.
